a depressive post? maybe. ._.

You know whaaaat. I feel very, very depressed/stressed out right now. I guess this is what they call ‘peer pressure’? I don’t know. I don’t even know what to express in this post.

Yeah, I understand this is a phase that almost everyone goes through and it seriously sucks, doesn’t it? Sometimes I feel so secluded from everyone, ya know? Like, people are only being my friends out of pure sympathy and… stuff like that, and I also think that it’s completely stupid and dumb that no one likes me or wants be be my friend because of my body size,how I look and/or my personality. COUGHJames’sgroupCOUGH

I think there’s something else that also sometimes makes me depressed… and that’s you. No, not you who’s reading this you, but you… gah, nevermind. I think some people would know, ne? ._. Anyway, yeah. When I first saw you, I simple liked you just like any other person did. I thought you were good-looking, charming, etc. However, after time passed, I began to realize I didn’t like you that way anymore. I didn’t think you were good-looking or talented anymore. Somehow, I thought of you in a different way. It makes me so sad thinking about it, and sometimes I even wish you weren’t so popular, and I never knew you so I wouldn’t have to go through this.

You don’t always come to my mind, but when you do, or if I see you, I feel like something stabs me. Your so different to me now, and I wonder why, but I know, that I’ll never be able to tell you that I’ve fallen for you in a way I shouldn’t have. It’s virtually impossible. You… you’re a performer and me? I’ll never be anything else but a fan in your eyes. If only I could tell you right now how much you mean to me, and how I’d want to be with you no matter how far apart we are, or how big our age difference is; if you could say the same thing, I think I would be very happy.

“Conversely, I think a person who is in love is very happy. A situation where you can say “I can’t see anyone other than you” or “If you’re here, then I don’t need anything else” is the happiest of all.” That what Gackt said in his autobiography. I guess he has a point?

I think I feel a little better after writing this. I’m sorry for all the depressiveness of this post, minasan. >_< Really, I am.