Important notice! Take note, onegai shimasu!

Konbanwa minsan. I’ve just come here to post that I’m leaving the Arashi scene for awhile. Gomen ne, but it’s not about that bashing thingy or whatever that’s happening right now. Actually, it’s for a confusing yet personal reason. Bah, this confusing reason is also confusing to me too… but anyway… remember that Tegami I sent to Sho-kun the other day? Yeah ever since then, I just can’t seem to look at Arashi in the same light ever again.

Everyday, it’s like this weight of burden get heavier even if I try to stop thinking about whether he got my letter or not and honestly, I’m so, so sick of people telling me “Don’t worry, I’m sure he got it.” I don’t want to believe that false hope without physical proof. Yes, hope is comforting but to me, this one isn’t. Also, whenever I feel down, he’d always appear in my head like a spear through the heart, because somehow I just feel like he’d understand me and sometimes when that happens, I wish I’d never even knew him in the first place.

Speaking about looking at them, whenever I see them now, I feel so sad inside, like I’m embarrassed to actually be a fan of them because I cannot see them as idols as anymore, but simply as… humans. Humans who I’d want to meet because they’re so… inspirational. Bah, that’s a dumb reason but I don’t really know how to explain it, but I guess if you wanted to but this simply, I just don’t want there to be a barrier between us.

One more thing, this thing is really personal though. It has to do with someone in the band. He… How do I explain it? It’s just like, I’m liking him in a way I shouldn’t, it seems… weird, impossible… and every aspect of him just makes me want to slap him and bury myself into his arms at the same time.

Yeah, so these are the unbelievably stupid reasons why I want to leave the fandom for awhile, I just feel like I need time to take a breather with this and manage to cope with these doubts inside myself.

Demo ne, it doesn’t mean I’ll stop flailing over them, I still will; although not as much as before, and you might get sarcastic remarks from me, so sorry.

Also, I dunno how long I’ll be taking a break from them. Target so far is two weeks, but I dunno, maybe it could be longer.